Author: Rita Nurjanah

My mind was so full with my problem thought. And it makes me tired, both my soul and my physically. I don’t have any idea for what should I do. I tired to think the solutions, and tired with these burdened things.

I usually spent my time alone. Because I love it. And i feel like I got new energy from it. As an introvert, maybe my energy come from my alone time. So, what I do when I am alone? Actually many things, but, the most favorite activity to do when I am alone is thinking. Thinking about everything, especially life.

Today, I almost spent my entire day alone. Because, I don’t do any social contact except chat. Also, I go to grocery alone, by myself. And I see that it’s normal eventhough many people will assume that I am lonely.

Actually, people is different. There are people who feel lonely when they alone, but for somebody, alone is the favorite time to play their mind, like me. When I am alone, I am not lonely, instead I feel like I have a friend, that is myself and my mind.

I don’t know what I should write here. I wanna make a post, I don’t have any story to write. But today, I feel so tired after a long journey from my hometown to this city. I use train as my transportation, because I find it more comfortable than another transportation. And it spend for about 4 hours in train, so I feel bored everytime. Today, when I am in train, I slept easily. I don’t know, how I can sleep in such a place, as we know that train often crowded.

From 4 hours journey, I slept for about 3 hours in train. I don’t realize how I can fall a sleep there. In fact I sleep by sit down. And after that, my body feel so pain, because of uncomfortable position for slept.

When I arrive at my flat, I sleep directly. Because I am so tired with the journey. Also, I am so tired because my energy was decrease for meeting with people on train. And now, I just eating potato chips and gummy bear, because I don’t feel like doing anything. Okay, it’s my random story. Because I wanna share something, but I don’t have anything to share.

I don’t know, why lately I feel like my brain is stuck. I couldn’t think clearly for serious thing. I mean my brain couldn’t work well for academic stuff like writting essays or thesis. But, when I make a music composition, it often do well and I found so many inspirations that I could put in it.

I said that I make a music composition. Yes it’s true, because I often making random music instrumental, song for my band also making an arrangement for my favorite song. I feel like that activities bursting my mood. Sometimes I thought that became musician maybe one of option for my future, in fact, I am not a music student, and I affraid if I couldn’t compete with another music student who maybe has more experiences and knowledges than me. Also if I became musician, I am not really have consistency for it, I mean its always based on my mood. Music maybe one of my hobbies, and I’d love to make random composition for my private collection.

Finally, I could go back home, although not for a long time. I have wait for this opportunity, because my campus life was so hectic. And for now, I try to look for spare time in the middle of my hectic days. As the title of this post, home sweet home is a proverb about people who feel comfortable with home vibes. And for me, home is always heaven because it remind me with my childhood memories. Also, so many my favorite things are there.

Home is a place where you will back. I am sure, that my previous statement is not always true, if home define as our childhood hometown, especially for whoever that having bad memories about their home. But, home in this case is not always about hometown where you have grown up. Home is everything that give you comfort feeling, and everyone has different definitions for their home.

And if I talk about my hometown, actually my hometown is not really special, because my hometown just in countryside, which far enough from the main city. But, I love my hometown because it still natural with it fresh air, because so many trees, field and garden here. Also compare with the common city, although I feel so difficult to find something that I often find in city, the price for everything here is cheaper than in city. Okay, I will give the picture of my hometown.

“I am an introvert”, I always said it, over and over again. And I hate small talk. I don’t know, what are people thinking when they often ask a question which didn’t need to answer. Honestly, I am not comfortable when I got that question, because it always make me awkward because I think they ask it without any reason.

Beside I hate smalk talk, I also hate when I should involve to speech or discussion in big forum. It makes my mind blank, because I can’t handle my nerveous. So, people often see me as shy person. When I should speech or making conversation in big forum, I often talk too fast and stutter, although I have prepared the material for speaking.

But, it will be different when I involve in deep conversation. I feel like, when I am in deep conversation, always flow itself. Especially when we talked about life or my interest, it often spend several hours because we didn’t realize it. I love deep conversatiom because I often find new insight, inspiration also motivation from it. But, it hard for me to find person who can do deep conversation with me.

I have so many dreams for my future, and I have many expectation too. I know that I need to be workharder person to reach all of my dream and expectation. But sometimes, I lost my motivation because of some challenges that I got. I knew, that I have been lazy person lately, and if I couldn’t change my lazy side, my dream will be an impossible things. Yeah, dream just a dream.

One of my dream is I wanna get scholarship on Japan, exactly in Kyoto University. I know really well, if I still on myself right now, I mean I still in my comfort zone, I couldn’t get that dream. So I should start to make any changes, especially on my daily activity to get my dream about scholarship in Japan. Why Japan? I don’t know, honestly, when I was on my school life, I wanna get scholarship in Germany. But, after I am in my college life, and try to understand about Japan, I really interested on Japan, until now. I think, Japan culture is compatible with my personality and habits. Japan which has disciplined time, Japan which has health and clean environtment, and any other, although I know that there are a few culture which not compatible with me. But, overall, I see Japan as my dream, future and life.

I know, with myself right now, it seems impossible. And I am sure, whoever who know me in real life will laugh about my current dream. Cause it seems too high for me, beside I still couldn’t get my sertificate JLPT N3 yet. And also, I don’t have any experience to attract the scholarship giver. But I am sure, although I have so many dreams, all of decision is on God’s planning.

If you ask me what things I hate the most, I will answer ignorance. I hate ignorance, especially when I tell good information or I have any recommendation to give. It felt like my dignity fall down. I will overthink if someone ignorance me or doesn’t consider my existence, especially if I got ignorance from someone that I really care about (I don’t know, maybe it has correlations with my INTJ sides).

Then, what is kind of the ignorance that I means? It such as when I ask on the group chat, I don’t get any response. When I am in discussion, I have recommendation, but there is no feed back from others. Yeah, it’s kinda like that. I don’t know if someone have the same opinion about ignorance with me or it’s just I am too much on hold my feeling. In fact when I got ignorance from other, it makes me look like a dumb and useless.

Maybe, what caused me hate ignorance so much because I hold in the high esteem on dignity. In my opinion, dignity represent someone are, and when there is someone that couldn’t give my expectation about dignity (one of them is always get more attention when I said serious things), I will lost respect to them. In other word, when once someone ignorance me, I will start to slam the door to them. I admit that it’s too much, but from now, my ego still couldn’t accept the ignorance.

Today, my melancholic side is coming. I didn’t know my head full with my past, my fail and my tragedy. And it makes me sad without reason. I feel like my soul so weary. So, in my actual planning, I decide to not go outside, cause I am really not in the good mood to meet anyone today. But, I remember that I have some duties which make me have to go to campus.

I wait for my friend in silence, yeah one of my duties is meeting with my friend to give him a few important documents. While I wait for him, my mind tried to figure out the secrecy of my troubles that happen to me lately. After I met my friend and give him all the important document, I went to library immediately cause the sky was cloudy and raindrops start falling.

When I was on library, suddenly my mood want to go back on my flat. In fact, rain is still drops although not really heavy. I compelled my self to walk under the rain. Cause I realize that rain will keeps falling, and I don’t want to wait for a long time in library. I walk under the rain, while my mind full with all of my problems. I keep in my silence and didn’t really care with my surrounding. I let my clothes wet because of the rain. All I want is I arrive in my flat and sleep or recharge my energy.

And now, I write this post while listening a song “You Raise Me Up” and try to calm myself. At least it helps me to decrease my sad condition.

As we know that we are in industry revolution 4.0 era, which almost everything will base on technology. Japan, one of country with it advanced on technology often developing new technology to ease our lifestyle. One of Japan technology that I interested is robot. As a country that struggle with aging population problem, Japan try to looking for another alternative because the decrease of productive people. So when we in Japan, several service will do by robot.

Talk about robot, I remember anime character that is Ritsu. Ritsu is an artificial intelligence which is developed to attack Koro-Sensei. But in real life, artificial intelligence is using for ease human’s life. Artificial Intelligence itself consist of complex programs and it can work like human in common. And sometimes, a few company prefer to use Artificial Intelligence (AI) than human’s service because AI has little error than human, also the energy of AI is more efficient than human (because AI rarely get tired). But robot always been robot, it doesn’t have feeling. For occupations that need emotion, AI couldn’t work well.

Beside my explanations above, AI is very useful for our life. Albeit, I don’t see it in real life yet, I often astonished when I see it on news or video. For example Cozmo, Asimo, Sophia etc. Because I thought that the human development has advanced like now days. But, I hope that AI is using in the right way.